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#WEverb11 Day 17: Discover

December 18, 2011

#17: Discover.

What did you discover (big or small) in 2011?

Contributed by Kaileen Elise [kaileenelise.com]

via Cartoon Stock

In 2011, I discovered that I am not as good at self-care as I thought.  Background information might help.  I’m regularly at meetings where people share what they do for self-care.  I regularly report that I knit, crochet, do DIY projects, blog, and eat.  I do lots of going out to eat, cooking to eat, eating with others, eat for fun, etc. 

In conversation with a couple colleagues, I realized that I have hobbies that allow me to say I take time away from work to do other things.  However, I’m not necessarily taking care of myself by doing this.  Sometimes I use these other activities to procrastinate.  I use them to de-stress perhaps.  But what I really need to take is actually take care of the parts of me that require care.

I’ve been working at my current job and paying for insurance for over 1 year.  I had not even picked my doctor yet.  Can you see where I’m going?  I haven’t been to the doctor’s in over a year!  Granted, I haven’t been sick either.  I’m a relatively healthy person.  I don’t get sick very often.  However, I haven’t had a check up either.

This is bad.  On the one hand, it’s great that I’m healthy.  On the other hand, I’m paying for a service that I don’t use.  And on my imaginary third hand, I’m not taking care of my physical self. Being sick isn’t the only reason to get to the doctors. 

Honestly, I’m afraid of getting the lecture from the Doc about being 30 and baby making.  I know I’m going to be forced to think even harder after a decision I know is looming over me.  I know the information she gives me will require me to go home and have a serious conversation with Hubs.  I know that that conversation will make him feel uncomfortable.  I know that that conversation will make me feel like I’m pushing him.  But the doctor is pushing me… my body is pushing me… It’s all very unfair.

So all of this is to say that I’ve discovered that I pretend that I take care of myself and I neglect taking care of my physical self because I’m afraid of the decisions I will have to face.

Bonus: And on a lighter note, I also discovered that I am a cat person!

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